How To Stop Your Older Brother From Flirting
by Dream As I Read
Summary: The Bat brothers are on vacation. Dick is an insufferable flirting machine... Tim is a psycho with a head full of crazy plans... Jason is scaring everyone else... And Damian should have known they would take it too far...


**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING, NOT THE CHARACTERS, THE SETTING OR THE PLOT. THIS IS A FANFICTION CRAFTED PRIMARILY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES AND I EARN NOTHING BUT LAUGHTER FROM IT'S EXISTENCE. PLEASE ENJOY.**

Damian glares at a spot on the floor. Generally, it's acceptable as routine behavior for him to glare at anything and everything in sight. After all, he is Damian al-Ghul- the Demon Brat, a name which he refuses to admit he's actually grown used to, given the number of times his 'brothers' have used it on him. He would never admit it out loud of course- both the fact that he likes the name and that he considers Todd and Drake his brothers. Grayson must be rubbing off on him.

Speaking of Grayson, the all too affectionate acrobat is the reason for Damian's prolonged mission to burn a hole in the carpet of their hotel suite. They are supposed to be on vacation, another idea of Dick's that Damian vehemently protested yet secretly looked forward to as his oldest brother fed him stories about all the fun they'd be having on vacation in the Caribbean. Yet, now that they are finally here, Damian is frustrated by Dick's incessant flirting with everything on two legs. Honestly, that man's supposed charm is insufferable!

He is plotting a way to get back at Dick (the idiot is even now flirting with the receptionist while attempting to order room service) when he hears a muffled snort coming from the couch. Looking up, he is unsurprised to meet the clear blue gaze of his third elder brother. Timothy has been lounging around on the couch ever since they arrived; flipping past the channels so rapidly that Damian is unsure how he can possibly understand anything in the screen. Now, he masks the chuckle as a cough and lifts a shoulder in the direction of the bedroom,"It's getting pretty annoying, huh?"

"-Tt-," Damian hisses, "As if we can expect him to stop anytime soon. Grayson is an incurable flirt."

Tim raises an eyebrow, "What are you planning?"

Damian shrugs, "Tell Oracle about it?"

Tim considers this, "Nah, Babs knows how he is. She probably wouldn't care anyway. They're off-again this week."

Damian growls. For some reason, his brain is unable to supply a good enough idea to punish Grayson for dragging him here and allowing him to become bored out of his mind while he flirts with every single person in sight. He turns his glare on Tim," You're the supposed genius. What have you got?"

Tim raises both hands in front of him warily," Hey, I never said I was going to get involved." He quickly backtracks as Damian's face takes on an even more murderous glare, "But hey, I haven't got anything better to do."

"Well?"

Tim's face is focused, concentrating on something. "Heck yeah, that could definitely work."

"Drake."

Timothy looks up, grinning wickedly as he reaches for his cellphone, "Hold that for a second. We're going to need some expert Dick-pranking help."

* * *

Damian is on edge when he and Dick finally walk into the restaurant. Dick wanted to dine at the hotel, supposedly because the food was good. That's fine with Damian. Their plan will work well without a hitch, he thinks. That doesn't stop his nerves from singing with anticipation. This is not a job or a stakeout. He's not Robin and he is under no responsibility. Tonight, he is simply a younger brother attempting to humiliate his older brother. This is going to be fun.

Dick wasn't suspicious when Tim left the hotel earlier, declining to join them for dinner. To Damian's ears, Timothy's thin excuse about wanting to experience real local cuisine sounded thin and unconvincing but Dick would have believed anything his little brothers told him, especially since he was still preoccupied with the phone when Tim left.

The two of them are barely seated when the waitress sashays over to them, already beaming a wide grin at Dick. Dick smirks lazily back, an expression which makes Damian want to throw up. His eyes dart around the restaurant, silently willing Tim and Jason to show up. Their second older brother had been out that afternoon, experiencing the locality for himself, as he called it, but had promised to return as soon as he heard Timothy's plan. The entire plot hinged on their showing up on time and Damian was sincerely looking forward to it.

The waitress leaves and Dick finally notices Damian's preoccupation with the doors to the restaurant. "Sup, Lil D?"

Damian grunts, not bothering to reply as he takes a sip of water. Unperturbed, Dick chatters on at him about the many activities he has planned for them both to do together the next day and Damian listens, keeping one eye on the door at all times.

Finally, Dick sighs," Alright, what are you planning?"

Damian stares at him, feigning innocence, but the man wasn't Batman for nothing. "Confess, little brother," Dick intones in his Bat-voice.

Damian doesn't budge. He wasn't Robin for nothing either.

Dick continues chatting, "I'm assuming you and Tim are planning something, considering your whispering in the living room earlier while I was on the phone. Knowing Tim, it's got to be something insane. And knowing you, it's probably diabolical if you enjoy the thought of it so much. So spill kid, what is it?"

The waitress takes that exact moment to return to their table, shifting Dick's attention to her for the moment. Damian glances back at the restaurant door and his eyes widen at the two people walking in.

He turns quickly back to Dick, who is currently in the midst of introducing him to the waitress whose name is either Sally or Sarah. Damian can't remember. He cuts off Dick's amused "my little brother is kind of grumpy" with a deadpan statement, "Your boyfriend is here."

Both Dick and Sally/Sarah stare at him as if he has grown three heads. Meanwhile, Jason and Tim are just drawing level with their table.

"Hey babe, "Jason drawls as he walks up. Damian enjoys watching Dick's jaw drop at the getup Jason is currently wearing. Their middle brother has on a wild feathered shaman-like outfit with a myriad of colours topped off by a bundle of silver chains and is giving off a suspicious scent of smoke. His hair is a mess and he looks as if he just got out of a fight. Well, Damian amends, that last part is just typical Jason.

Timothy meanwhile looks nothing like himself. He is wearing black leather boots laced all the way up to his thigh with a tight red leather mini dress and… _is that a feathered boa? _Damian groans inwardly at the stares they are attracting from the other patrons. He should have known Tim would take it too far.

Jason is talking again while Dick looks on in incredulity. "Look what I found outside," he points to Tim enthusiastically. "Only charges 500 per night! And he's willing to do anything!" He leers at the waitress," And I do mean _anything_."

"Jason, what are you-"

Jason cuts Dick off by putting a finger on Dick's lips while simultaneously adopting a ridiculous pout, "Shhh, baby. I know you can't wait. we're gonna have some fun tonight! WOOHOO!"

He gives Sally/Sarah another suggestive leer, "What about you, hun. Interested in joining?"

Sally/Sarah looks scandalised.

Tim puts an arm around Damian's shoulder, "Maybe the little tyke can join in too," he says in a husky voice. Damian has to work hard to fight a bout of highly undignified giggles at the look on Dick's face.

The waittress shoots Dick a dirty look before hurriedly speeding away, obviously trying to put as much distance between herself and their table as possible.

"Oh, come on," Dick mutters, staring glass-eyed in front of him.

Damian can't help it. The laughter bursts out of him like a waterfall.

* * *

"I can't take you guys anywhere, can I?" Dick asks wearily as they lounge by the pool the next morning. Since the night's performance, the hotel's staff have been avoiding the four of them like the plague and Dick hasn't had the chance to flirt with anyone. Damian shrugs, sipping his drink calmly.

Dick surprises him by releasing a snort of laughter. "You have to admit though, that was pretty good."

Damian looks at him, "I'm glad you found it amusing."

Dick turns, shooting him a wicked grin, "Oh, I did. In fact, I'm thinking that prank deserves some payback."

Before he can understand what is going on, Dick had picked him up and flipped him right into the pool. Damian comes up gasping and spluttering, definitely undignified. "Grayson!"

Jason and Tim come up on either side of Dick and have him tossed into the pool in no time. "Cannonball!"

Damian grins. Definitely a vacation to remember.


End file.
